No doubt about it, Twitter is a great tool. Great way to connect with people.
But with every great tool comes a downside. One of those downsides is having to put up with Twits who suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. I’m not talking about the medical condition. I’m talking about a Twitter condition in which someone suffers from not getting enough attention, and tweets endlessly about stuff no one wants to read about.
One of the ways you can spot an Attention Deficit Disorder-inflicted Twit is by this simple phrase: “I just realized….”
Cuz’ they’re lying, folks. I can assure you that they did not just realize ____.
Here are the five most annoying types of I Just Realized tweets:
5. “I just realized it’s my wedding anniversary tomorrow.”
No one in their right mind just realizes on June 1 that their anniversary is on Christmas. When a woman tweets this, she’s lying. She’s been wondering all damn week what that louse of a husband of hers is getting her for their anniversary. If it’s the louse of a husband who tweeted the above, however, he’s telling the truth. Cuz’ he just realized he didn’t get her anything for their anniversary.
4. “I just realized something that couldn’t possibly be just realized.”
Here’s an example (and I am not making this up) from @SelenaGomezFans: “I just realized @selenagomez is following now 601 selenators! 😀 Even though, it’s sad, she’s not following me! (yet).”
Sorry, but you can’t just realize Selena is following 601 people.
3. “I just realized something that I didn’t really just realize.”
No doubt about it, this is the most common type of I Just Realized tweet. Here’s a recent one from someone tweetnamed @JustSmangin1017: “I just realized I have a co worker who is grown with a kid and still looks for assurance.”
Oh really? You just noticed that? Yeah, right.
2. “I just realized how much richer, cooler, smarter than you I am.”
@mkpheartsnyc tweets “Just realized the awesome seats I have for tonights game give me access to ALL the clubs” while @CASHBABEH tweets “Omg I just got super excited!!!! I just realized ill be n NY this year for the Ball Drop Wooo Hoooo !!!!!!!”
Let me get this straight: It’s June5, and you just realized you’ll be in NY 7 months from now for New Year’s Eve? You’re either an idiot for just realizing that, or an idiot for thinking we believe you just realized that. Either way, you’re an idiot.
1. “I just realized I’m X tweets away from my XX,XXXth tweet.”
I’m not making this up, people:
Thankfully, Mr. McCain (hopefully no relation) is already worrying about not making any fart jokes for his super special milestone tweet. Unfortunately, he doesn’t appear to be very concerned about looking like a joke.
Got any favorite “I Just Realized” type tweets?
Anyway, I gotta go. I just realized that my wife asked me to do a bunch of stuff around the house.