Tase Me, Bro (Twitter Affliction Support Environment)

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I’m hardly one to be on the leading edge of things. My favorite music is 35 years old. I heard someone mention the word “emo” the other day, and I assumed they were talking about Emo Phillips.

So it’s pretty amazing that I’m on the leading edge in that I not only know what Twitter is, and that I not only use Twitter, but that I’m among the first people on the planet to suffer from a new Twitter-related affliction called TASTE (Twitter Addiction Syndrome for the Technology Enabled).

Like cholesterol, there’s Good Taste and Bad Taste. Good Taste is very rare, and tends to be found only among us Twitterers over the age of 40. Afflicted Gen Yers pretty much all have Bad Taste. Gen Xers, many of whom are paranoid that they suffer from Bad Taste (not to mention from paranoias regarding government conspiracies), generally have no Taste at all.

How do you know if you have Bad Taste? Here are some of the warning signs:

  • You’ve downloaded Tweetr, Snitter, Twhirl, and two other Twitter client apps, to your desktop — and run all at the same time to see which performs betters and keeps you from missing any tweets from your Twitter peeps.
  • You say good morning and good night more often to your Twitter friends than to your spouse and/or children.
  • Putting milk in your coffee is tweet-worthy.
  • You spend 5 minutes editing a tweet to fit it into the 140-character limit.
  • You announce your new Twitter friends to your existing ones so they can welcome to the new Twit to the twitosphere.
  • You think there’s a single person on the planet who gives a rat’ s ass that you’re [at the airport/in a hotel/at Starbucks]. (Unless you’re one of my daughters, in which case I want to know where you are every freaking second of the day).

Because scientists believe that Bad Taste will become a widespread affliction among the Twitterati, I’m pleased to announce the formation of TASE (Twitter Affliction Support Environment). Simply tweet “Tase Me, Bro” to @tasemebro, and a trained team of Twitter-trained counselors will rush to your aid to help you come down off the ledge, and help you cope with your Twitter addiction.

Together, we can cure Bad Taste in our lifetimes. And remember, I’m not just the President of TASE — I’m also a patient.

(Personal note to my Twitter friends: Any resemblance of the behaviors described above to any of your behaviors is purely coincidental).

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