Off-Topic: Defining The New Generations

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There’s way too much discussion about the generations, what characteristics define the generations, and who belongs to which generation.

That’s why I’ve come up with a new generation classification scheme.

First up is Gen What?

Gen What-ters are generally clueless about what’s going on in the world. Don’t use the terms “social media” or “blog” in front of a Gen What-ter — you’re likely to become frustrated. Partially because, well let’s face it — at their age, their hearing is starting to fail, and they’ll simply keep responding “what?” to everything you say. I hope I didn’t offend any of them, but the reality is that none of them read blogs, so they won’t see this in the first place.

Next is Gen Wine.

Gen Wine — sometimes referred to as Baby Boomers — is the generation responsible for displacing beer as the alcoholic drink of choice. You can always tell who’s the Gen Winer at the dinner table. We’re the ones who think we (oops, I mean “they”) know everything about wine — which is the best with what food, which wineries are the best to visit when you go to Napa, which years are the best, etc. Unfortunately, this arrogant, snobby, omniscient attitude creeps into pretty much every other aspect of Gen Winers’ lives. Can you say “insufferable bore”?

Then there’s Gen Whine.

It wasn’t until recently that I learned what the term emo meant. Gen Whiners define emo. The fact that a lot of people who are referred to as Gen Xers are also Gen Whiners could simply be coincidental. Everything — and I mean everything — that happens in the world has a deep, scarring, and emotional impact on Gen Whiners’ lives. And unfortunately, they feel the need to tell the rest of us about it.

Finally, there is Gen Wired.

The label has nothing to do with their proclivity to be on the Internet 20 hours a day, conversing on the 37 social networks that they belong to. No, it refers to their caffeine addiction. Twice daily trips to Starbucks is nothing unusual for Gen Wired. They know what every thing on the Starbucks’ menu means. And most annoyingly, they have to Twitter about every stop they make at Starbucks, and let the rest of us know what they ordered.

These are the “new” generations, and here’s the beauty of my generation classification scheme: It doesn’t matter which year you’re born in. You get to choose your generation!

So, no more agonizing over whether or not you’re part of one generation or another just because you were born in, say, 1979. The fact that you even thought about it in the first place makes you a Gen Whiner.

Technorati Tags: Gen Y, Gen X, Baby Boomers

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