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After years of being an analyst and industry observer/critic, I’ve decided it’s time to put my money where my mouth is, and start my own company.
My new company will be called Woyomi. Pronounced “woe-YAH-me”, the word is formed from “What’s On YOur MInd?”
Gratuitous picture of attractive female model wearing something that could possibly look like Woyomi.
The app-based technology that I intend to develop will utilize the NFC capabilities that will be available in all smartphones, cars, and toilets by September of this year to read brain waves that emanate from people (those that actually have a brain, that is — I’m not so foolish to think that I can get 100% market share with my innovation).
By reading brain waves, Woyomi will be able to ascertain what’s on your mind, then go ahead and do it. Think Kreskin-Meets-Siri.
As of today, the technology detects food preferences, monetary concerns, and sexual urges.
1. So let’s say it’s 11:45AM, and it’s getting close to lunch time. Woyomi can — or should I say “will be able to” — detect that you want pizza, call in the order to your favorite pizza place, and pay for it with your mobile wallet. And the beauty is, it happens automatically without you even having to lift a finger.
2. If you think to yourself “hmm, I wonder if I have enough money in my bank account to pay for those Jimmy Choo shoes in the window?” Woyomi will check your balance, and if there isn’t enough in the account, Woyomi will transfer money from where ever it can find the funds (because it can read minds, it can pick up on the account numbers/passwords of people who are located near your smartphone device, car, or toilet that you’re using).
3. Let’s say you’re walking down the street and see some hot guy or chick. The retinal scan capability of your iPhone will identify him or her, locate his/her Facebook page and Twitter ID, and friend them/follow them. And you don’t have to lift a finger.
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My business plan for Woyomi is simple:
1. Obtain 2012 Innovator of the Year accolades from Fast Company, TechCrunch, and American Banker.
2. Sell out to Apple, who will clearly be threatened by my innovation if I exclusively align with Android manufacturers.
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If you think step #1 in my business plan sounds unreasonable, you’re terribly, horribly wrong.
Why, just this week, Brett King, CEO of Movenbank, was named Innovator of the Year by American Banker. Movenbank has announced that it will rely on something it calls CRED to determine credit-worthiness, and product-worthiness among its customers.
And Simple (the Is-It-A-Bank-Or-Isn’t-It-A-Bank-Formerly-Called-BankSimple-Because-It’s-So-Simple-That-Even-I-Can’t-Figure-Out-What-It’s-About) won innovation accolades from Fast Company for its “innovations,” ignoring the small detail that there is no there there.
Now, please don’t misunderstand me, because I am a big fan of the Movenbank concept, as I have written about in a blog post titled The Future Of Movenbank.
But, apparently, this what business in 2012 is like. To be named Innovator of the Year, you don’t actually have to have innovated anything. You simply have to announce that you plan to innovate.
So, I figured, why not get me some of that Innovation glory?
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As for the second part of my business plan, I know I’m doing the right thing.
Have you heard? Revenue is dead. So 2005. [Please read @rags’ Please don’t embarrass us by having a business model for your startup – VCs on the Iterative Path blog]
The key to today’s emerging business model is to be seen as an “innovation” that has the potential to be “disruptive.”
If you can’t see the disruptive potential in Woyomi, then you’re an effing moron.
But Apple CEO Tim Cook is no moron. I’m sure he sees the threat Woyomi poses to his business. So that’s why I’d like to make this public and formal offer to Tim Cook:
I will sell you Woyomi for 1 million.
Columbian pesos, that is. Based on the current exchange rate, that works out to about US$568. To make it easy for you, Mr. Cook, just send me an iPad 3, and Woyomi is yours.
But I’m keeping the Innovator of the Year awards.