So my longtime bank, Washington Mutual (WaMu), recently got taken over by megabank Chase. ‘Twas a sad day for us WaMulians, because, for all its faults — and it had a few — WaMu was a friendly place to bank, with everything from chirpy messages on the ATMs to free candy at the teller windows. What wasn’t to like?
WaMu was expanding rapidly nationwide without losing its character. But WaMu’s execs decided to join the greedheads in quaffing some subprime Kool-Aid. We all know what happened after that… With WaMu on the verge of failure, along came a monster of the financial deep — Chase — to swallow it up.
“I’ve penned some
new lyrics to a classic
pop song that will
no longer be heard
in our bank…a little ditty
I call ‘The Post-WaMu
Chase Blues.'”
— Freddy J. Nager
We WaMulians sighed, but were still hopeful. Perhaps Chase would recognize what a great brand they had in WaMu, and would simply clean up its finances and keep it going. But it was not to be. The name was changed to Chase. And that’s not all…
The other day my wife and I strolled into a Chase branch. It was like entering the tomb of the unknown banker. WaMu’s bright yellow had been covered in deep corporate blue, and the flamboyant posters that once hyped WaMu’s services had been replaced by… blank walls.
The tellers who once wore casual shirts were now suited up. We guessed all this was to convey how solid and dependable our bank had become — but, uh, yo, East Coast dweebs, we’re all like laid-back Los Angelenos, you know? And we still vividly remember how Wall Street was like totally screwed up by men in conservative suits — men whose enormous badness made those Somali pirates look like shoplifters, right?
So, instead of instilling us with confidence, Chase’s ultra-corporate vibe just depressed us, and we couldn’t wait to leave the premises. Sorry, teller dude, but no thanks, we don’t have time to discuss your credit card offer…
Most striking of all was the silence.
It was like being in the public library of the undead. We felt compelled to whisper. And that’s when we realized there was no more pop music playing over the speakers, as there always had been in WaMu. Yes, the day when WaMu became Chase was also the day the music died.
In honor of this transformation, I’ve penned some new lyrics to a classic pop song that will no longer be heard in our bank. So with apologies to the Righteous Brothers and their hit “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’,” here’s a little ditty I call “The Post-WaMu Chase Blues.”
“The Post-WaMu Chase Blues”
When you bought WaMu
you said everything would stay the same.
Then you spent 300 million
to redecorate and change the name.
You took a big happy bra-and
Then Chase-y, you done made it so bla-and…
CHORUS:
You lost that WaMu feeling.
You’re now just walls and a ceiling.
And that is so unappealing.
The fun is gone… it’s… wrong… whoohoo-not
Now your tellers wear suits
and no music ever fills the air.
Your vibrant colors are gone
and your once postered walls are bare.
It makes us all feel like snoozing
Oh Chase-y, don’t you know what you’re losing?
CHORUS:
You lost that WaMu feeling.
You’re now just walls and a ceiling.
And that is so unappealing.
The fun is gone… it’s… wrong… whoohoo-not
Chase-y, Chase-y, we still have all our savings with you.
If you would only please us — at least tease us — like WaMu used to doooo.
You had a brand… so grand… that millions of us came to adore.
And now… somehow… you think “trustworthy” means being a bore.
Oh Chase-y (Chase-y), Chase-y (Chase-y)
We beg you please… please,
Give us WaMu (give us WaMu).
We miss WaMu (we miss WaMu).
So bring it on back (so bring it on back).
Bring it on back (so bring it on back).
Bring back that WaMu feeling.
Its loss has sent us reeling.
Our souls are now congealing
‘Cause your brand… is… cold…
and it feels… so… old…
And we’re totally… not… sold…
Whoohoo-NOT.
[Editor’s Note: This story originally appeared on the ‘Cool Rules Pronto’ blog. It is reprinted here with permission by the author, Freddy J. Nager, Founder & Fusion Director of the L.A.-based strategy agency and production company Atomic Tango.]