Please note that in 2009, Halloween will be a federally-mandated holiday.
Under a new law enacted by President Obama, US citizens taller than 6′ 2″ 6’0″ 5’10” will be required to redistribute their candy to people shorter than 4 feet tall. This new legislation, known as CRAP (Candy Redistribution Allotment Program), will be in effect by October 2009.
(Also note that for intended candy recipients wearing braces in 2009, candy credits will be issued that will enable them to redeem credits for candy in 2010 through 2012.)
According to President Obama, “Tall people currently eat too much candy. My plan is fair and just — hey, even Michelle and I are going to have to give up some of our candy.”
In response to the new legislation, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich replied, “There are hundreds of six-foot tall nine-year-olds who won’t benefit under this new plan, and will receive no candy at Halloween.”
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